After spending the last two years of the drudgery of high school doing very little, my motivation for studying was quite low and I had no immediate plans to attend college. I would attend someday, but I didn't know what I wanted to do. I got a job working for my father, which offered me ZERO opportunity.

I was interested in cars, but found that recent designs were terribly boring. I thought I should study engineering so I could create some better designs. After studying a slight bit on my own, and looking into some schools, I began to think that even if I did work as an engineer, some boss would make the final decision and would have control of what actually gets produced. So I thought if I really want to get something done and make changes, I need to study business. So when a friend of mine told me she was going to enroll in college, I went a long and enrolled as well, and started studying a business program

It turned out to be a community college, and I didn't really know what that meant at the time. I asked them what I need to apply and get into the school. The woman simply replied "a high school diploma", so there wasn't any application or rejection process.

I began taking a variety of business classes. I had an economics teacher who would often go on about problems with politics. This was really new to me, because I had VERY little knowledge of politics at the time and hadn't formed any political opinions. I remember one day a classmate complained about him talking about politics during class and bad mouthing Bush, and I believe I replied "but he is telling us the truth", since what he was saying made sense to me, and wasn't one to sit quietly when I thought some injustice was taking place.

But the class that had the most influence on me was Business 101. I remember the first paper I wrote for that class was returned to me with all kinds of unkind red marks on it, and at the top was a note saying "You don't even know how to spell 'Business'??". Later in that class, my efforts must have vastly improved (I am sure I was determined never to get another poorly graded paper) because I remember the teacher talking one day saying to the students, you need to learn to write properly like Smith and Zanshin (me).

Anyhow, we studied on chapter on business management, which included a section on Japanese business management. I was impressed by the concepts and I felt they matched the method I was trying to use in my job as a "manager" in the supermarket. I thought I wanted to learn more about this culture which had these interesting ideas. I wanted to see the language, so I went to Boston Public Library and went to the sparse Japanese section, which only contained a few books. Looking at the language, I thought it had a nice look to it and I wanted to know how they could read those letters. I was determined to learn Japanese language as well as learn as much as I could about the culture.

I found a program on TV called "Let's Learn Japanese (Japanese Language Learning) and "Japanese Business Today" ( or something like that - a Japanese news program in English) It was from that news program I learned my first Japanese phrase.

I watched "Let's Learn Japanese" religiously, and even bought the book and studied hiragana 'til I had all the characters memorized as well as a small number of vocabulary terms.

In one of my classes at the community college, the teacher was giving an example of something or other and said a phrase in Japanese and Chinese. I couldn't figure out how he could know those phrases, so I asked him and he said that he spoke Japanese and Chinese. I found that hard to believe, so I asked him if he could tell me what I was saying and quickly said "ichi ni san shi go", which he correctly told me were just the numbers. Later he told me there was a teacher teaching Japanese to high school students through closed circuit TV in our college and I later went to her and asked her if she would mind if I sat in on her classes. She said that was fine.

I wanted to learn more, both the language and the culture, so I decided I need to find a college where I could satisfy my thirst for knowledge about Japan.

As I said, I thought it would be a good idea to go somewhere else, and so when I decided to go to college, I was thinking California would be a good place to go. I applied to one school, University of the Pacific, which accepted me, but it was quite expensive, so I decided to wait a year (that's a whole nother year) and apply to other schools.

I went back to my high school and talked to a guidance councilor (not my guidence councilor, as I really felt like he couldn't understand me) and said I wanted to go to college (I was actually attending a community college at the time, so I was really just going to continue studying elsewhere at the end of the program). The guidance councilor set me up with a computer and I typed in the requirements I had, low cost, Business classes, Japanese language (surprisingly few schools had Japanese classes at the time), and I got a list of schools across the country I could apply to. I remember there was one in Washington, and I think one in California which I thought would meet my needs. Also University of Hawaii was on the list, which I immediately dismissed as a place to go on vacation, not to study. I discussed the list with my mother and mentioned in an off hand way that oddly, Hawaii had shown up on the list. She told me I should go to Hawaii. I began to think about it

At this time, I was attending a class held in my college for high school students to study Japanese through a teacher by video. The teacher was in the school where I was, and there were two groups of students, one in a typical school and the other in Chinatown (I guess, since all the students were Chinese). There was another girl there who came to study Japanese. I talked to her and told her about the list and the inclusion of Hawaii. She told me she was from Hawaii and that was the place I should go.

So, I filled out some application to several schools around the country, I think I skipped applying to UMASS Amherst, but did apply Hawaii.

Soon after, I got several acceptance letters from several of the universities, but nothing from Hawaii. No acceptance letter, no rejection letter. Nothing...

I originally intended to to write a blog of the odd things that happened to me while living in Japan. I never did do so, and those memories are lost like tears in the rain. I may try to write some of them if I recall them, but I though I would start with writing why I decided to go to Hawaii and then Japan.

First, I had always though I wanted to go somewhere else and perhaps a number of films I had watched "Reckless" and "Rumblefish", may have had some influence on me. I had thought that California was the place I should go. I may have thought that the reason the people in New England seem negative was due to the often inclement weather, so I should go somewhere with better weather, hence California.

I worked for my father for a short time, but he has always thought I had no potential. I remember one day he suggested I start training as a mechanic, which while a good and profitable career for some, certainly was well below my potential, and would have denied me of the opportunity I craved to use my mind and talents. I found such an offer insulting.

I was often bored, and remember many times staying up late at night at home trying to find something good, or at least different on TV. I found quite a few weird shows, first Night Flight and then later USA Up All Night. I was always hoping for something better than the life I was leading.

I remember going out with my friend one night (we would always go out together) for most of the last two years of high school 'til I left Boston. And while it was okay going out and drinking, I was never satisfied with our evenings. I told him I wanted something better and he said something like "Get used to it, because this is all there is" I knew I had to get out of here.

I used to work in a supermarket, and I remember that people there seemed especially negative. I recall one (not someone I cared for) co-worker asking me something like how are you?, and when I responded with fine, he said something like it's a lousy day, because it was raining, and I thought, if someone is going to get depressed ever time it rains, it makes for a very negative atmosphere.

I remember one day I was working a substitute shift in the dairy department when a customer approached me, asking for some lactaid product. I checked in the back, and very polite informed the customer that I am sorry, but we are sold out at this time. The customer launched into a tirade about how he was never going to shop at this store again, and then left. I few minutes later another customer approached me and asked for the same lactaid product. I told her that I was sorry but I had just checked in the back and we didn't have that product in stock. She too launched into an identical tirade about how she was never going to shop here again.

I was thinking there has to be some place better than this.